While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
