Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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