college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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