How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
