I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
