sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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