i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
