Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
