I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
