I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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