I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
