Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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