take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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