I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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