I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
