I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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