I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
