so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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