About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
