at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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