Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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