Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
