Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
