Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
