Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
