i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I forgot wine drunk hurts
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
