yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
