She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
