Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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