I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
