I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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