dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
