we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
