Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
