I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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