Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
