if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
