i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
