I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
