you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Randomize
