How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
