I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
