Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
