last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
