Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
