he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
