You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
