know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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