Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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