Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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